Mortal Komedy
by MortalKombatant19
Summary: Shang Tsung devises a new plan to take over the world, but Earth's heroes are ready to stop him!...If they can remember what they were doing to begin with.
1. The Earth is Doomed

_**Disclaimer: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I own Nothing, You can't Sue!**_

_**A/N: I don't know if any of you have seen the Mortal Komedy videos on YouTube, but I recommend you watch them after you read this. Video has the advantage of sweet editing, as well as background music, which adds a lot. For those of us who prefer to read though, enjoy!

* * *

**_Sub-Zero mumbled in his sleep. He was having good dreams.

"Mortal Kombat champion…mmmnn…fatality…….heh…EH?!"

At this point, his alarm went off, causing the "EH?!" part at the end there. Our favorite Lin Kuei promptly froze said alarm clock, and calmly reached over and smashed it to bits. Groggily, he got out of bed and went into the kitchen.

He removed a big bucket of ice cream from his freezer, put some in a bowl, and walked into the living room of his apartment, trying to wake up. He turned on the TV, and sat on the couch.

A strange ad was running.

"Buy my new shampoo, Pantene-Soul V! Your hair has never been so full of soul! In fact, if you order now, you'll get this cell phone, $199.99 value cost, FREE! Except for your SOUL! Uh…I mean, free of charge. Except for your soul."

Another voice, deeper this time, came on. "So what are you waiting for? Buy Shang Tsung's Pantene-Soul V today."

Tsung came back on. "And remember," he said, "Your hair care is MINE!"

At that exact moment, someone yelled out "GET OVER HERE!" and a spear went whizzing past Sub-Zero's head.

"SCORPION!" yelled Sub-Zero, "You've ruined my breakfast for the last time!"

Then he froze him, quickly finished off his ice cream, and stood up again as Scorpion thawed out.

"Now, time to-AH! BRAIN FREEZE!"

"Now you're mine!" yelled Scorpion, and he charged. Unfortunately, at that moment his cell phone began to ring. "Oh…hold on a second."

He answered his phone as Sub-Zero sighed.

"Hello? Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-uh. Kay. Bye."

He hung up. During this little episode, Sub-Zero had attempted to punch him twice, but was shooed off by Scorpion.

"Sorry, Sub-Zero, but I gotta GET OUT OF HERE!"

Sub-Zero sighed. "Now I'm gonna be late for my meeting at the Lin Kuei!"

* * *

Johnny Cage entered a plain room. Two intimidating fighters entered from the opposite side. One of them spoke.

"You're not gonna leave here alive, Cage."

"Alright," said Cage, removing his sunglasses from is shirt pocket and putting them on. "Let's dance."

His two adversaries played a game of rock paper scissors. Both rock. Again. Both paper. Again. One rock, one paper.

"Damn it!" cursed the one who got rock. He then moved in on Cage. What followed after was a frenzy of physical force, in which Johnny Cage beat the tar out of both his opponents.

Finally, he looked at the one left standing, and sighed. "This is the part where you fall down, moron!"

"CUT! No it isn't, Johnny Cage, baby, you're killing me!" Cried the director of the movie that was being filmed. "He's supposed to beat you!"

"What?! Well, then, I'm not doing this movie."

"Did you even read the script???"

"Psh. No, but I'm the star, I should win, right?"

"Johnny, baby, this movie's called THE DEATH OF JOHNNY CAGE!"

"Who would watch a movie called THAT?"

"WHAT?!"

Johnny then promptly punched him in the groin and walked out.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Liu Kang's shack, he was busy punching the walls and calling it training. Suddenly, Raiden teleported into his house. He looked around at the falling-apart shack.

"I see your housekeeping is as good as your fighting."

"I could beat you any day, Raiden."

"Show me how!"

The two sparred for a brief period, until Kang ran into a wall after Raiden moved out of the way of his kick.

"Man, you suck." Raiden said. "Shut up!" came Liu's response.

"Listen, I came here to tell you something important, but I don't know if I should now."

Kang did not seem phased. "Okay." Was all he said. "Shut up!" said Raidenhis eyes flashing blue as thunder rolled.

"I can do that!" said Kang. He then attempted to do so, focusing until his face turned red and he fell over. Raiden covered his face as his champion moaned in pain. "Meet me here." he said, tossing a piece of paper at Liu Kang.

"OW, papercut!"

"…"

"…"

"The Earth is doomed." Raiden left.


	2. Prepare Yourself!

_**A/N: Alright, time for Chapter two! Enjoy!

* * *

**_

At about the same time as Liu Kang made his little oopsy against Raiden, Sub-Zero was walking down the sidewalk, still suffering from his brain freeze. A car pulled up beside him, and the driver rolled the window down.

"What's up, S to the Ub-Zero?"

"Dammit Cage, I hate you!"

"Wanna go for a ride?"

"I've got a meeting."

"Skip out on it."

"Okay."

After this exchange, Sub-Zero got into the passenger side of Johnny's car. As they drove, they saw a vaguely familiar man.

"Hey, is that Kung Lao?" asked Cage.

"Nah, Kung Lao wouldn't wear a hat like that." said Sub-Zero.

So they drove on and left the man behind.

"I think that WAS Kung Lao," said Johnny.

"I think you're retarded!" responded Sub-Zero.

"Yeah, well you forgot good looking."

"I HATE you!"

At about that point, Cage's car stalled in the middle of an intersection for no apparent reason.

"…Awkward…" mumbled Cage. He got the car started again and kept going.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the Pit, Reptile was lounging around, just chilling, doing nothing in particular. "Man, I love it down here," he said. "I never have to do ANYTHING!" And ironically, at that exact moment, a body came flying down from above and was impaled by one of the spikes sticking up randomly out of the ground for no better reason than to impale people just like him.

"DOUBLE FLAWLESS!"

"Ehhh…I'm SO not in the mood for this," said Reptile, taking his fighting stance as Shang Tsung jumped down. "Oh, good, it's just you," he said.

"Just me? JUST ME?! I am the stealer of souls, the great sorcerer of the dark arts, the-"

"Yeah, you're freakin annoying, that's what."

Shang Tsung grabbed his throat. "I'll kill you!" he yelled. "Whoa, dude, back off a little, would ya? It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I have an idea. We need to find Baraka," said Tsung. "Oh, yeah, he's on TV right now." said Reptile, gesturing to the TV he somehow had operating at the bottom of a death pit. On it's screen, Baraka was busy running his cooking show. He flayed a man alive and threw some random part of his body into a stew pot.

"Now that's what I call fresh ingredients!"

* * *

Cage and Sub-Zero skidded to a stop outside Liu Kang's hut.

"Why are we at Kang's?" asked Sub-Zero.

Cage laughed. "I had an awesome idea."

* * *

*Yesterday*

Liu Kang sat near Jax at a cafe. "Hi, Jax."

"What are you doing here, Kang?"

"I am on a date."

"Really?"

"Yes, she should be here soon."

"Who is it?"

"Kitana."

"Wow, good for you brother. Say, you haven't seen Sonya around, have you?"

"Actually, I saw her with Kano. I didn't know they were friends..."

"KANO?! I'll save you Sonya! To OUTWORLD!" Jax ran off. "I didn't say they were in Outworld...ah, here's my date!"

* * *

"See," said Cage, I set him up with Kitana, but it was actually Mileena, and he doesn't know!"

"HAHAHA!!! He is do gonna die!" laughed Sub-Zero.

* * *

"Kung Lao, what's with the hat?"

"Yeah, my other one is at the dry-cleaner...they're getting some blood off it."

Lao had just walked all the way to Kang's house. And beat Cage and Sub-Zero there. But, whatever.

"OKAY! I've got a message for you from Kitana!"

"Oh, is she gonna go on a dat with me???"

"...No. Kitana wuld like to announce that...she's right behind you!"

Kang whirled around, and sure enough, Kitana was in his house.

"Liu Kang, I have a messagge for you from Kung Lao."

"What? He's right..he's gone!"

"Shut up. Kung Lao would like to announce that...you suck, and h's the better descendant of the Great Kung Lao." Think about it, he even has the same NAME!"

".....So he came here to say he had a message from that you had a message from him saying that he was the better descendant?"

"Yeah. And that we're going to KILL Shang Tsung! But he said the first part was more important."

Kang was confused. "Kill Shang Tsung? Why?" he asked. His response was a slap in the face. Literally. And, at that moment, Sub-Zero and Johnny Cage (finally) arrived. "Hey Liu Kang, how did your date go with, uh, Kitana?"

"Um...there was some sort of mixup, it was Mileena..."Kang grimaced.

"Heheh...yeah, wonder how that happened!"

Sub-Zero then looked over Kang's shoulder. "Hey Kitana, how was your date with Smoke?" Kitana was pissed. "You tricked me! It was Reptile!" Sub-Zero and Cage high-fived. "Man, we are the BEST!"

Kang went for a high-five as well, but they just stared at him. He decided to change the subject. "Hey, Shang Tsung's back." he said. "Yeah I know." said Sub-Zero. "How?" asked Kang. "The Lin Kuei know all...nah, I saw it on TV."

"Obviously, I will have to defeat him, since I beat him last time! HUAAH!!!"

Cage slapped Kang upside the head. "Yeah, shut up Kang."

"Ow, that hurt! Oh well, I'm still 'Da Man', right" Kang went in for another high-five.

Sub-zero froze him.

* * *

Cage and Sub-Zero went back to Cage's car. There was a slip of paper under the windshield wiper.

"WHAT?! A TICKET?! DAMMIT!!! I'M JOHNNY CAGE!"

"It's a note from Raiden."

"Oh, okay."

"It says to meet him in thaty open field where no one will see you die. It's funny, but the handwriting is pretty bad for a lesser god." spoke Sub-Zero. "Oh, look, there's a PS. Sorry about my handwriting, I broke my arm."

Cage frowned. "Weird that a lesser god would break his arm, isn't it? Oh, look:PPS-I know, weird that I would break my arm, right?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well, let's go!"

Cage tried to roll over his car hood, but ended up hitting the pavement. Hard. He got up and they drove away.

* * *

In the field, Raiden was late.

"Weird that a lesser god would be late, isn't it?" asked Sub-Zero.

"Dammit Raiden! Ah, I have a business meeting! I'm Johnny Cage!"

Then Reptile juped out of nowhere and attacked them.

"Reptile?! How'd you know we were here?" yelled Cage.

"You fools! It was I who wrote that letter! And now I'm going to kill you both!"

"Alright," said Sub-Zero. "Let's dance." Cage glared at him. "You ust stole my line. You don't see me goin around saying 'Freeze, stranger!'"

"Oh, when do I ever say that???"

"When DON'T you say that?"

Reptile intervened. "Um...come on guys. What are you doing? You're bickering like an old couple. I mean, what about me here? Mr. Frosty and Mr. Pansy, come on!" The two good guys stared at him. "Hey, good thing there's two of us and one of him." said Sub-Zero. Cage's cell rang. "Hang on, it's my manager." said Johnny.

"WHAT??? Street Fighter THE MOVIE??? Oh, would I be Guile? I'll be right there!" He hung up. "Sorry, Subby, but I gotta go. I need this part!" He ran off and drove away.

"Oh, you're gonna leave me here to die against Reptile?" But Cage was already gone.

"Hey Sub-Zero, you know what's good about the good team? They always stick together, don't they? HA!" mocked Reptile. "Whatever, let's just fight." said Sub-Zero.

They charged each other and missed.

"WHAT?! Did we just miss?"

"Yeah, this isn't some 2-D world, jerkoff!"

"What I do in the privacy of my own home is none of your business, Reptile!"

They then commenced a-fightin. After a moment, Reptile said "It's not so easy without your Johnny Cage, is it?" Sub-Zero was a bit miffed. "Come on, iguana-boy, bring it on! Reptile rushed Sub-Zero and started punching the air above him.

"Oh, crap! What do I do?" wondered Sub-Zero. He ended up launching a mad uppercut into Reptile's gut. A few more blows were exchanged, but since this is a humor fic, I'm not going to waste time describing them Use your imagination, lazy bum.

Suddenly Cage came running back. "Guys! Guys, I got the part! I'm Guile, man, I'm freakin Guile!" Then Liu Kang, arriving on the scene, mistook him for an enemy and kicked him, so Cage knocked him out.

"THAT'S your team?" asked Reptile. "Yeah...I'm afraid so." responded Sub-Zero.

"You know what, between Baraka not being here, and Cage injuring Liu Kang, whaddya say we call it a day?" asked the blue ninja. "Yeah, I'm not in the mood for fighting anyway." spoke the green ninja.

"Yeah...I probably need to take him to the hospital..." said Sub-Zero. "Aight. See ya later." said Reptile. He then left.

"Come on, Johnny."

"What the hell? Finish him!"

"Nah. I already did the Friendship. By the way, thanks for helping me in my fight against Reptile, jerk."

"It doesn't matter. i have a feeling we'll be having an encounter with evil each, and every week."

Liu Kang stood. Johnny knocked him out again.


End file.
